Poor examples of writing

What are the problems with these “essays”?

Kids and Games

Kids are not changed by video games. I play video games all the time and I’m fine. I played GTA and I don’t want to kill anyone.  Believe me, GTA is amazing, I love it.  25.5% of Americans own a gun. Less than 1% of French people have guns. We can see that means they are crazy.

The title’s scope is too large and contains no specific aim.  The vocabulary is too basic (better: compare, affect, influence, possess). The writing is personal and biased with emotional language, the first person should be removed and supporting references added. 

PC vs Mac

For ask to the question, I’m going to talk about the hardware,then about the software’s compatibility.in this essai I’m going to refer to the macbook and laptop. Mac is was using Intel processors since 2009 said Steve Jobs in iMagazine in 2014. I think this shows that the two computers are very same.


Nowadays, we heard that relocation is very bad for the country where the service or the production was. But i believe it permits me to buy product less expensive than in my country. So customer has a greater purchasing power. To give this argument, we heard that “There are companies that are cutting their costs by over 50% by offshoring.” (said my dad, Sanjay Kumar). However, i think even if there are advantages, there are some troubles too.

The cloud

Hello, today i want to talk to you about the impact of the cloud technology. u should definitely invest in this tech. In this essay I will talk about the benefits and the disadvantages.

Part 1: it is not expensive, just £5 per month.

Part 2: the benefits are many: you can save your data remotely and never lose it.

Part 3: the disadvantages are that if you stop paying, you will lose your data. If the server gets hacked, you will lose it.

To conclude, cloud is recommended, I use it all the time and it’s very good. Steve jobs said “Cloud is the future, the future is now”.

Common examples + fixes


  • Is the title of the work too vague?
  • Is the aim of the work clear?
  • Does it use pronouns?
  • Does it use high level vocabulary
  • Does it have references?  From who?  Are they reliable?
  • Structure:
    • Introduction : X is the best because of A+B+C
    • Main Body : A, B, C developed
    • Conclusion: A+B+C = X is the best

Title: Google Pie

The Impact of data sharing in Android Pie in 2020

Introduction: Hello today I want to talk about the new technology for everyone.  I want to speak about geotagging, and in the second part, we will see big data and then the advantages and disadvantages of AI translation.

The new technology X will have  a great impact on Google Android users.  Geotagging will make labelling photos easier, data on how users operate their phone will contribute to faster and more intuitive development of operating systems while the AI translation will become much more developed due to uploading of approved translations.

Nowadays, everyone needs technology.

Between 2010 and 2020 there has been a huge increase in dependence on technology.

Main body : In the first part, we will look at the advantages of the Iphone and the disadvantages.

The Iphone’s new features are x, y, z, which will have a definite impact on users compared to the previous model.

Quoting vs Referencing

“There are companies that are cutting their costs by over 50% by offshoring.” (said my dad, Sanjay Kumar)

Companies have demonstrated cutting their costs by over fifty percent by offshoring (Kumar, 2019).